


what's love without tragedy?

by theaprilshowers



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Break Up, Getting Back Together, M/M, it's because these two are dumb as hell and don't know how to communicate properly, this is really angsty but i promise it has a happy ending, this is so long and for what?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-04-05 17:17:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19044877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theaprilshowers/pseuds/theaprilshowers
Summary: Eddie works everyday to heal others, but he's suddenly lost when he's the one who ends up broken.(for the @it2ficexchange on tumblr for the lovely @wheezyeds who requested the prompt "flashback to a breakup, reunited, getting back together.")





	what's love without tragedy?

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this ended up being super long but i hope you all enjoy some angsty angsty dumb boys!
> 
> title is from the song love without tragedy / mother mary by rihanna. this whole story is an ode to rihanna's best ballads because woman can write some sad yet beautiful lyrics.

_funny you’re the broken one but I’m the only one who needed saving._  
‘cause when you never see the light it’s hard to know which one of us is caving.  
\--stay, rihanna

The microwave clock reads 3:10 AM as Eddie closes the front door of his apartment as quietly as he can behind him. He feels like a walking zombie with no sense of reality, but he’s got to keep quiet so Richie won’t wake up since he has an early morning radio show to host.

Eddie shuffles softly through the kitchen to the bathroom. He’s gotten so used to walking in the apartment in the dark that his brain goes to autopilot as he quickly undresses out of his hospital scrubs and steps into the shower. He scours insistently on his skin to rid himself of the smells of foam hand sanitizer and alcohol wipes; he knows it’s useless though since they will return tomorrow anyway. The warm water streaming down on him livens him up but only slightly. At this point he doesn’t think he’ll ever be fully awake again. 

As a second-year emergency department resident, Eddie is working close to eighty hours a week. His schedule consists of evaluating and examining patients, discussing said patients with attending physicians, writing medical charts, taking training courses, and studying for his Step 3 exam to get his medical license. The stress of everything is slowly eating at him that he thinks the whole process of becoming a doctor has taken at least twenty years off his life. 

And while he may now have a shorter lifespan, he’s making sure to spend every spare moment when he’s not working to catch up on sleep. The amount of sleep debt he’s accumulated these past six years is almost as large as the actual debt he has from taking out so many loans for medical school. He doesn’t have the energy to even think about how depressing that actually is so instead he turns off the shower and quickly dries himself to put on his pajamas. 

He goes to the sink to brush his teeth and glances at the mirror for the first time in hours. He looks bloody awful. There are significant bags under his eyes and his dark circles look like permanent bruises. He also looks thinner, his face as pale as a ghost. But he’s genuinely so exhausted right now and could not care less of his appearance. He spits a mouthful of toothpaste out into the sink and walks to the bedroom. 

As he enters his room he sees Richie sleeping soundlessly on his side of the bed. Eddie can’t help the smile that creeps on his face at the sight of a peaceful Richie. 

Things have been off for them for a while now since Eddie’s residency kicked up to full gear in his second year. They’re on opposite schedules: Richie coming home from work right when Eddie is about to leave. It’s only a quick kiss and a ‘hello, goodbye’ before one of them is out of the door. Plus, ever since the disaster event two months ago things have been even more off kilter between them. They might still be together but Eddie can feel this chasm in their relationship and he’s not sure how to close it. 

The smile on his face drops when he really thinks about how things have changed between them. They used to flow so easily around one another. Best friends since they were eight years old and then boyfriends when they turned eighteen – they have always been a part of each other, almost like they were yin and yang, two halves of the same whole. But now Eddie barely knows how to interact with his boyfriend. It’s like they’re in a parallel, never intersecting. 

Before all this shit went down, when things were normal and life less hectic, after a long shift in the hospital Eddie would snuggle against Richie’s sleeping form and Richie would mumble and groan but still wrap Eddie in his arms. They would hold each other like that until Richie woke up, pressed a soft kiss to Eddie’s forehead and left for work. 

Now however, Eddie silently climbs into bed, careful not to disturb Richie. The space between them is large and Eddie wants to lessen it, but he’s so tired and his eyelids are heavy that he’s asleep before he knows it.

\---

When he wakes up the next morning cold and alone on the big bed, Eddie decides he’s going to do something about his relationship. 

He hates the feeling of drifting through his own home with this hesitant and uncomfortable air that seems to have taken a permanent hold in the apartment. He needs a change for his own sanity. He owes it to Richie to be a better boyfriend too. 

He decides after work today he won’t go to his group session to study for his Step 3. This will put him behind his other colleagues and probably fuck him up in the long-run but he wants just one night where he can spend with his boyfriend uninterrupted, a semblance of their relationship before shit hit the fan. 

He goes to work and it’s busy per usual. There is rarely a day when the emergency department isn’t, but he powers though as he always does. And when his shift is over he’s dead on his feet yet again but he’s determined to stay awake and make it a good night. He’s got to do this for both himself and Richie. 

He decides to pick up dinner from Richie’s favorite Chinese restaurant and it’s already 9 pm when Eddie walks through their apartment door. It’s late for dinner but even if Richie’s already eaten they can save the food for later. 

Eddie is surprised to see the apartment is empty. Usually Richie is always home by now. He doesn’t see any texts on his phone indicating he’ll be home late or if the losers are hanging out. But then again, Richie hasn’t texted Eddie about his whereabouts in a long time and Eddie has turned off the notifications for the losers’ group chat some time ago since it became too distracting. 

It’s fine though. Eddie clears the kitchen table of unopened letters and uncleaned bowls and spreads the food out onto some plates. He can wait. 

It’s almost 10 pm when he hears the front door unlock. 

“Stanley, I don’t know if the movie Birdman is actually about a man who is a bird, but even if it was, they would not have casted you as said Birdman.” Eddie can’t see Richie yet, but his loud voice carries over to the kitchen table. 

“Fuck off, they wouldn’t of casted you either even though you sound like a bird with your constant squawking!” Stan jibes back. 

Richie gasps (which really does sound like a squawk) but then he’s laughing and god, Eddie missed that sound. When was the last time Eddie heard him laugh? When was the last time that Eddie made him laugh? The fact that he doesn’t know the answer to either of those questions puts him to shame. 

Richie finally rounds the corner and Eddie can see the big smile on his face, the laughter and happiness that has always come so naturally to the other man. However, when Richie sees Eddie sitting at the table his face drops and Eddie feels his heart shatter a little. 

“Hey babe,” Eddie rises from his chair and goes over to press a kiss on Richie’s cheek. He intertwines their hands together, because Richie’s touch has always brought stability to him. “I brought dinner, I didn’t know you went out though.” He looks over at Stan who’s standing beside Richie, “hey Stan.” 

“Eddie,” Stan says curtly. 

Richie looks at the dinner spread out on the table. “You did this for me?” Richie asks confused but the smile creeps back onto his face. 

“Yeah,” Eddie blushes, “we haven’t had dinner together in so long, I thought it would be nice to sit down and chat. I got your favorite dishes, but I need to warm them up, they got cold while I was waiting.” 

All of a sudden Richie’s face falls again and he removes his hand from Eddie’s grip. Eddie turns cold but he doesn’t even know why. 

“So, there was no special reason why you got dinner today?” Stan asks.

Eddie looks at him perplexed. “There doesn’t have to be a special reason for me to want to have dinner with my boyfriend, Stan.” 

Stan scoffs as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Do you know what day it is Eddie?”

“Um… Thursday?” Eddie doesn’t get why that is important right now. 

Stan rolls his eyes. “The date, Eddie!” 

“It’s…” he looks down on his phone and his eyes widen in shock when he reads the date. _Shit shit shit fuck fuck fuck_. “Oh my god, Rich I –“ 

“It’s March 7th, you know, your boyfriend’s birthday?” 

“I know it is.” How on earth did he forget? God, Eddie feels like the worst person in the whole universe right now. “Rich I’m so sorry I didn’t even realize –“ He’s trying to apologize but Richie won’t look at him. The lack of contact between them makes Eddie cold with fear. 

Stan starts talking over Eddie’s apology. “Can I ask, because I’m genuinely curious and I want you to answer me honestly, do you want to be with Richie?” 

“What?” Eddie looks at Stan bewildered. “Of course I do Stan, why would you even –“

Stan cuts him off before he can finish, “I’m asking because for some reason you’ve been putting your career before everything else that you can’t even remember your own boyfriend’s birthday, the man you’ve known for over twenty years.” He’s looking at Eddie like he barely recognizes him. 

“Stan, I know I fucked up and I’m sorry, but I’ve been so busy I didn’t realize – “ he tries again to apologize but he’s interrupted yet again. 

“Do you actually see a future with Richie or are you just stringing him along?”

Eddie is frozen in place. “Stan, you can’t believe that.”

“I can’t?” He glares imploringly at Eddie. “I just want to know whether Richie is a part of your future plans because two months ago when he _proposed_ to you, you said no, that you needed sometime to figure out a schedule with your work. Do you remember that? You probably don’t because basically anything with Richie is put on the backburner while you strive so hard to be Dr. Kaspbrak.”

“Stan –“ Eddie can feel the hot tears forming in his eyes. 

The topic they’ve always avoided is now making a grand appearance and _fuck_ , he didn’t even want to talk about this with Richie let alone Stan. But it’s here now: loud and clear. How Eddie rejected Richie’s marriage proposal two months ago. How he told Richie he still loved him, but residency was too chaotic at the moment to add in marriage to the mix. How all these days and nights that have passed with an awkward and hesitant air is all Eddie’s fault. Because he’s scared of commitment. Because he’s scared of failing. Because even though he went through four years of medical school he still doesn’t know how to deal with his anxiety. 

Eddie tries blinking away his tears but it only makes them run down his face faster. 

“Do you love him Eddie? Do you want to be with him?” 

And Eddie can’t answer because he can’t breathe. It’s like he’s twelve years old again and needs his stupid inhaler. 

“Stan stop.” Richie’s voice cuts through the silence. 

“Richie –“ 

“I said stop Stan.” He’s standing there so still. He’s not looking at either of them, his eyes still set on the floor. “This is between Eddie and me. It’s not your concern.” 

“It sure is hell my concern!” Stan explodes. “You guys are my friends, I care about you both and I know you care about each other, but you two could be in separate universes with the way you’ve been acting around another.” He stares at Richie, his eyes sad. “I know you’re not happy, you told me yourself, so you two need to get your head out of your asses and talk to each other. I’ll support whatever decision you come up with, but you need to get there first.” 

Richie finally looks at Eddie. His eyes are watery and he looks so pained. The tears in Eddie’s eyes now stream down his face. “We should talk. Alone.” He turns to Stan. “I’ll talk to you later. I’ll give you the movie you wanted another time. Tell Patty takes for the dinner.” 

Stan stands there for a moment seemingly unsure if he wants to stay or leave, but then gives Richie a slight nod with a look of concern. When he glances at Eddie, his face hardens and then he’s out the door with a slam. 

Eddie is by Richie’s side the minute they’re alone. “Rich I really am sorry I can’t believe I forgot – “

“Really?” Richie raises his eyebrows, stepping back away from him, “Because to be honest, I wasn’t actually shocked when I didn’t get a happy birthday message from you. I was more surprised to find you home so early with a dinner prepared for us.” 

And Eddie feels so ashamed. This has become the new norm. Richie holds no expectations for Eddie anymore, but somehow, he still ends up disappointed and hurt. 

“I got dinner because I wanted to talk. Things have been so weird between us lately, I wanted to fix that.” 

“How?” He throws his hands up in the air. “How did you want to fix this? Because the only way I can really think of for how we can save this relationship is if you quit your job.” 

Eddie blanches. “I can’t just quit my job, Richie, I’m so close to being done.”

“I know you can’t quit Eds, and that’s the problem.” He rubs his face in his hands. “Being a doctor has always been your dream, I’m not going to take that away from you. But can’t you see that you’ve prioritized it over everything else? That the only real way for us to have a normal relationship again is if you aren’t working your ass off?” 

“So, what? You want me to either quit my job or break up with you?” 

“Jesus, Eds, I don’t know what I want!” He stands up straight and he looks frazzled. “I want you, but not like this, a ghost like version of yourself.” He sighs, “and I don’t even know if you want me anymore.” 

Eddie turns to ice. “Of course I want you, Rich how can you –“ 

“How can I say that?” Richie questions. “I don’t know, because Stan is right? Ever since you rejected my proposal, I’m really not sure you want us anymore.” 

Eddie’s mind is reeling. “Rich, I told you. I can’t think about marriage when I’m studying for my exams and preparing for graduation. It’s just too much stress. That doesn’t mean I don’t love you.” 

He needs Richie to understand, how could he ever stop loving his favorite person in the whole world? The boy, the man, who’s been by his side for every obstacle, every peak since he was a child? 

Richie takes a seat on the kitchen chair. He looks so defeated. Eddie has never seen him so lost and sad. 

“I never doubted your love for me Eds, I just feel like your heart isn’t in this relationship anymore. That you’re content with us living in this limbo.”

Eddie bristles, affronted. “Well I’m obviously not content since I just said I wanted to fix us.” 

“Yes, so you got us one dinner and forgot it was my birthday,” he adds sarcastically, “and then what? What did you hope would come out of this?” 

“I don’t know!” Eddie cries, “I just want things to return back to normal, before all the shit happened two months ago.” 

Richie’s face twists to a stony glare. “Right, you want to forget about my proposal. Pretend it didn’t happen so we can keep this façade of happiness? I admit the proposal may have been the nail in the coffin, but we’ve been rocky for a long time Eds.” 

“I –“ he doesn’t even know what to say. 

“I think we should take a break.” Richie says with finality. 

Those words turn Eddie to ice. “So, you do want to break up then,” he whispers. 

“Of course I don’t Eddie, but Jesus! We don’t even know what we want! And you’re not going to know until you graduate from residency. That’s almost two years from now, I can’t wait that long. We can’t survive that.” 

“So, it’s better to just call it quits now instead of prolonging the inevitable?” 

“Nothing is better in this case. But it’ll probably be the best for both of us.” 

Eddie feels so dissociated from his body. This can’t be happening right now. He had such high hopes in the beginning of the day but suddenly everything is crashing down. But he can’t lose Richie, he can’t. 

He walks up to Richie and crouches down in front of him.

“I love you Richie.” 

Richie looks absolutely devastated. He cups Eddie’s face in his large hands, wipes the tears with his thumbs. “Fuck, I love you too. More than anything. But this isn’t working, we both know it.” He tries to smile but it’s a cheap imitation of his real one and it falls quickly. “Don’t we owe it to ourselves to not live like this anymore?” 

Eddie wants to scream and say no, but this already feels like a losing battle. Richie has made up his mind. And he’s right. It’s not like Eddie can do a 180 and change everything about his job so he can make both Richie and himself happy. There doesn’t seem to be a compromise at this point. And he can’t, _he won’t_ , let Richie continue to suffer just because he’s selfish with wanting to keep both his job and Richie. Richie’s right, he deserves better than living like this with an absent Eddie. 

He scrambles up to wrap his arms around Richie’s shoulders. 

“I’m sorry.” Eddie whispers into Richie’s neck, the words come out broken, like all the promises they ever had for each other. 

Richie squeezes his waist and presses a kiss to his temples. “Me too, Eds.”

They stay like that for some time. Clutching at each other, trying to memorize the smell, the touch of one another one last time. But then Richie is leaning back, he presses a single, delicate kiss to Eddie’s lips and walks out the front door, leaving Eddie’s heart shattered on the floor. 

***

 _no, you don’t need my protection,_  
but I’m in love, can’t blame me for checking.  
\--close to you, rihanna

15 months later

Eddie clicks the print button on his computer and spins his chair around to look at Jane, the nurse sitting beside him. 

“Jane, I just printed the discharge papers for Room 12. I already talked to her, but please, please, please stress to her family how I want her to follow-up with the cardiologist for an ECHO within the next week.” 

“Will do, Doctor K.” 

Eddie smiles as he grabs a granola bar from his bag. He’s been so busy with patients all day that he hasn’t been able to eat so when he bites into the bar he lets out an embarrassingly satisfied moan. 

“That good huh?” says Allie the other nurse working this shift with him. 

“Absolutely heavenly. Granola was in the garden of Eden did you know?” 

“I didn’t, but I’m atheist so I don’t care.” Eddie chortles at that. “You can take your break now if you want. We’ve got all the rooms covered.” 

“Thanks, but I think I want to see the new patient in Room 7 before I take my break.” He takes another bite from his bar and suppresses another embarrassing noise from reoccurring. “Did you see them already? Can you give me a quick run-down before I talk with them?”

“Yes, I just finished talking with her.” She looks down at a piece of paper where she keeps her notes. “So, patient is fifty-five-year-old woman who comes in after a car accident this afternoon. She was sitting in the passenger seat when a truck T-boned into her side of the car. She was wearing a seat-belt and airbags did deploy. She’s now complaining of neck pain, right shoulder pain, and chest pain. EMS brought her here via ambulance because she was short of breath and was tender to palpation to her right ribcage – they were thinking she may have broken at least one rib. No other notable injuries or loss of consciousness. She’s stable right now, but watch out, she’s quite resistant.”

Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Resistant how?” 

“She doesn’t think she needs to be here. Her husband and son forced her to get checked-up and take the ambulance.” 

Eddie let out a soft laugh. He always finds it funny when the kid is the one urging the parent to the hospital because it was always the complete opposite for him growing up with his mother. 

“Alright, anything else to note?” He gets up from his chair, throws the granola bar wrapper away, and dusts off some crumbs from his scrubs. 

“EMS put her on oxygen in the ambulance, but she took it off when she got here and her stat is 99% so I kept it off. We’ll put it back on if it drops.” 

“Good plan.” He’s at the door of the patient; the curtains are drawn so he can’t see inside but he can hear some voices from inside the room. He uses the hand sanitizer next to the door. “What’s the patient’s name?” 

“Margaret, goes by Maggie Tozier.” Allie says and Eddie freezes with his hand on the doorknob. “She’s with her husband, who I didn’t get a name of, and her son…”

“Richie.” Eddie and Allie say together. Eddie’s voice is only a whisper though. 

Allie looks at him shocked. “You know the son?” 

Yeah, he knows the son. Was in love with the son. _Is still_ in love with the son because sure, it may be a year since he last saw him, but Eddie can’t deny that fact. 

He swallows thickly. “Yes, I know him. And his parents. We’re all from Derry, Maine.” 

“Wow, what a coincidence!” 

Eddie lets out a humorless laugh because if he doesn’t he’ll throw up on the floor instead. “Yeah, you could say that.” 

“You okay there, Eddie? You seem a little pale.” She looks at him concerned. “If you’re uncomfortable caring for someone you know, I can always ask Dr. Robinson to see this patient.”

He shakes his head. “No, Allie it’s fine. I don’t want a big hassle.” He tries to compose any emotion on his face so she can’t read him anymore. “It might just be a little awkward, but I can handle it.” _I think. I hope._

“I can come in with you if you think it will be uncomfortable or hostile.” He smiles at her softly. She really is the one of the sweetest nurses out there. 

“No, really, it’ll be fine. I’ll message you when I’m finished examining her and let you know if we need any labs done.” 

“Alright,” she doesn’t look convinced. “Security is the first button if things end up shitty.” 

“I know Allie. Thanks for the concern but don’t worry. I’m a big boy.”

“You sure about that?” She eyes his short frame up and down. 

“Shut up.” She laughs as she starts to walk away. Eddie tries to laugh too but instead he squeezes his eyes shut to focus on his breathing. 

It’s been fifteen months since he and Richie broke up. There hasn’t been a day that goes by that Eddie doesn’t miss him, that he doesn’t think it was the biggest mistake of his life. He hasn’t seen Richie since he moved out a few weeks after they broke up. Eddie also moved out, to a smaller apartment closer to the hospital. He was rarely there anyway because he decided to drown himself in work. If Richie thought Eddie was busy when they were dating, it was nothing compared to after the break-up. He has a valid excuse though, if he wasn’t working he would have been drinking or crying or just being a mess of a human, so he thought it was better spending his energy treating patients. 

In the past fifteen months, Eddie finished his Step 3 and graduated from the residency program. He’s a real doctor now. And he’s happy about that. He feels accomplished, successful, needed, but sometimes he remembers what it cost him to get here and suddenly it doesn’t feel so glorious.

He lost his best friend, his favorite person because of it, and sometimes he wants to admit _himself_ to the hospital so he can be observed by a doctor and they can tell him what’s wrong with him for being so stupid. 

He can’t do that though. And now his ex is right behind the door he is standing in front of. 

_You got this Kaspbrak, you were going to see him eventually, why not have it at the place where he started to resent you._

Oh my god, he needs to stop thinking. He takes one deep breath before turning the knob and walking into his fate. 

As soon as he enters the room, all the voices in the room stop. However, Eddie’s heart is beating so loudly in his ears he barely registers that. Instead, his focus goes immediately to the man on the right side of the bed. 

It’s been fifteen months since he last saw Richie and god, he’s still breathtaking, isn’t he? Richie has never been what others consider conventionally attractive, but Eddie has always found him beautiful. And when Eddie looks at him now, he’s glad to see that hasn’t changed. Richie looks the same but with some minor modifications: his hair is longer, still unruly and framing his face gorgeously. He’s got a new pair of glasses that extenuate his wide blue eyes. He looks thinner though, his face almost gaunt-like, and it sends a pang of pain and worry to Eddie’s heart. _Who is taking care of you now? Are you eating enough? You’re worried about your mom I know, but I’m going to take care of her, I promise. I know I didn’t keep a lot of promises when we were together, but I’ve changed._

“Eddie!” Maggie exclaims, cutting Eddie out of his overwhelming thoughts. “You just made me $10 richer!” 

“Huh?” He looks at her cheerful face confused. 

“The nurse who came in before you said ‘Dr. Kaspbrak will see you shortly’ and well through deductive reasoning, we realized that you would be our doctor.” She grins. “But Went here said you wouldn’t have the gall to actually show your face to us after your break up with Richie.”

“Mom!” Richie cries clearly embarrassed and Eddie feels himself turn scarlet. 

“Oh, hush you,” she reprimands, “but I said that I’ve known this boy since he was eight years old and he’s always been a feisty little spitfire who’s strong and stubborn, so I knew you would show up and take care of me. And I was right! So now I have ten more dollars, all thanks to you darling!” Her grin is taking up her entire face. 

Eddie lets out a snort through his humiliation. Maggie Tozier has always been a character, it’s where Richie got all his charm from. He feels the tension in him loosen just by looking at her gleeful self and feels his heart swell with affection – it’s been a long time since he last saw her, but Maggie still understands him so well. Even more than his own mother ever had.

“I’m glad I could make my favorite lady happy.” 

“Oh, you’ve always been a sweetheart,” she blushes, “but you know what would really make me happy?” 

Eddie stares at her expectantly. 

“If you could get me the hell out of here.” Eddie can’t help the smile that creeps on his face. 

“Mom, please you need to be checked out.” Eddie glances at Richie and his heart constricts with how worried he appears. 

“I’m not a library book Richard,” she glares over at her son, “and I’ve already been checked out by your father for over 30 years.” 

“Mom! Seriously!” Richie hides his face in his hands, and Eddie’s heart races: he always loved seeing Richie flustered and embarrassed. 

“Ok, alright.” Eddie tries to not laugh at this whole awkward situation. It’s funny how Richie becomes when Maggie gets like this. But, underneath all that exasperation is real fear, so it’s time for Eddie to become professional. “Maggie, I would love to let you go, but I got to do some actually doctor work to make sure everything is all clear ok? So how about you start by telling me what happened.” He goes to sit on the stool by her bed. 

Maggie goes into a very dramatic account of the car accident. And Eddie listens intently, but there are times when his gaze wanders to Richie, who is staring at his mother in worry. He wants so badly to reach out and touch him. To put his hand through his messy curls and tell him it’s going to be alright, how he’s going to do everything in his power to make sure Maggie ends up fine. But he lost that privilege a long time ago, so he keeps his hands to himself and only allows himself the selfish pleasure of sneaking quick glances to his ex. 

When Maggie finally ends her tale, he gives her a smile. 

“Well that was a thrilling story indeed, and while you may be nonchalant about this whole thing, I did hear from the medics that you have some pain?”

“Yes, my dear. I’ve got some neck and chest pain but nothing a few pills of ibuprofen can’t take care of.” 

“Hm, I’m sure, but I still got to examine you. It is my job.” Eddie counters. 

“Yes, you’ve always seemed to prioritize your job over everything else.” Wentworth chimes in for the first time. 

And Eddie heart sinks. Wentworth Tozier is almost always a pleasant man, but he loves his family so fiercely that he would do anything to protect or defend them. Eddie knows that breaking up with Richie put him in Wentworth’s bad side. He hurt his son and Wentworth won’t forgive him for that. 

“Went,” Maggie gives him a look that has Wentworth huffing but he doesn’t say anything else. 

It is silent for several moments and Eddie doesn’t know what to do. This is his job, he should be professional but parts of him wants to shout and cry from all the guilt and shame he’s feeling. 

He looks at Richie and is mildly shocked to see that he is staring back at him. It’s the first time they’ve made eye contact and it sends a jolt through his body. Richie’s face is unreadable which makes Eddie want to scream, because before all this mess Richie was an open book to him. Right when he wants to breakdown in frustration, he sees Richie give a slight nod towards his mother, and Eddie understands. This isn’t about him and Richie, this is about Maggie. She needs Eddie, so Eddie is going to do his job. The job that got him into this mess but is the only thing that can get them out of this. 

“Let me examine you Maggie.” He gets up from his stool and does just that. 

He gives her a full body exam, she’s already got some bruising on her ribs which may indicate one is broken. She’s so tender on her neck that when he touches it, she smacks him in the chest. He does some other tests to make sure her balance is fine and she doesn’t have a concussion. Overall, she is looking stable and her breathing is normal.

“Alright, I need to do some imaging on your chest and neck to make sure nothing is broken.” He smiles when Maggie groans. “I don’t think we need to draw any blood because all your injuries are mechanical. I’ll send in the nurse to give you some pain medication while we wait for you to get your imaging done and read. Do you have any questions?” 

“How long will I be here?” He can hear the whine underneath her voice. 

“X-rays and CT scans take about thirty minutes in total and there might be a waitlist so I expect another hour before I can read the scans. If everything looks good, you’ll be out in couple of hours.” 

Maggie groans again. “Alright, I hope this place has good TV.” 

Eddie smirks as he gets up from the computer after putting all the imaging and medication orders in. “Sorry, you’re going to be disappointed.” He’s at the door now and gives a final look at the family he’s loved since he was a child. So much has happened since he first met them, but they still warm Eddie’s heart. “I’ll check in with you all when I get the imaging results.” He gives Richie a small, hopeful smile before he leaves. 

As the door closes behind him, he lets out a large sigh of relief. 

It was definitely awkward no denying that, but overall, he got his job done while remaining mostly intact. His heart hurts a little seeing Richie so sad and Wentworth so cruel, but Maggie being her joyful self has Eddie in a better mood than he can even comprehend. 

He smiles as he enters the nursing station. 

“So, no MMA fight broke out in there then?” 

Eddie rolls his eyes at Allie’s remarks. “No, everything ended up fine, just like I said it would.” 

Allie puts her hands up defensively. “Hey, I was worried, you looked like you saw a ghost before you went in there.” 

Eddie coughs awkwardly. “Well, yes, things aren’t really the greatest between us but I’m here to treat Maggie first and foremost and they understand that.” She nods understanding. “I put an order for two tabs of oxy for her pain while she waits to get her imaging, can you give that to her now?” 

“Will do.” 

As she goes to get the medication, Eddie notices the door to Maggie’s room open and sees Richie walk out. He looks around before he spots Eddie and starts walking towards him. Eddie’s heart is beating so fast he thinks he’s going to pass out. Before he can think of action, Richie is right in front him, his hands deep inside his bomber jacket. 

“Hey,” he says simply. His voice is low and slow, sending a ping to Eddie’s heart.

“Hey,” Eddie replies. His voice breaks at the end of the word and he wants to die at how awkward he is. 

“I hope it’s ok that you’re caring for my mom. I don’t want you to feel pressured into doing this if it makes you uncomfortable.” 

“N-no of course it’s ok! I love your mom and I want to be the one treating her. I hope it’s ok with you.”

Richie smiles at him and god, he really is the most stunning person in the world. “Of course, I only want the best doctor treating her.” 

Eddie blushes furiously. “I’m hardly the best, but I’ll to try to be, for her.” _And for you_ , he thinks. 

“Don’t sell yourself short, Shortstack. I saw all the hours you put into med school and residency, you’re the hardest working asshole I know.” 

Eddie grumbles. “Shut it.”

Richie lets out a laugh and the sound is music to his ears. He looks down at Eddie with such a soft expression on his face, Eddie wants to lean in a kiss him. He even starts to move towards him slightly, but then Richie’s face falls and he looks away. 

“I should probably get going, don’t want to bother you.” Eddie’s heart cracks a little. 

“You’re not bothering me, I was just about to go to on my lunch break.” He’s feeling daring now, he doesn’t want to lose this momentum with Richie. “You can join me, if you want. It looks like you haven’t eaten in hours.” 

“Could say the same to you.” He’s smiling again though which Eddie counts as a win. “But, I could use some grub in me right now.” And Eddie feels like he’s on a pedestal accepting an Olympic medal with how exhilarated he feels that Richie is actually initiating a conversation with him.

“Yeah?” Richie nods. “Ok, let’s go.” He can’t help the giant grin on his face. 

The walk up to the cafeteria is short and quiet. No conversation is made but Eddie is feeling better than he has in over a year just by having Richie next to him, mindlessly looking around the hospital. 

When they reach the cafeteria, Eddie tentatively tries to start up a conversation. “So… how are you?” 

Richie raises his eyebrows at him. “Oh, you know just swell. I got into a car accident this afternoon so now my mom’s in the hospital. Also, my ex-boyfriend is her doctor and to top it all off I cannot for the life of me decide whether I want a grilled cheese sandwich or the chicken ravioli from this fine establishment. So, you know, the usual.” 

Eddie grimaces, ashamed. “Sorry, that was a stupid question.” 

“Yeah, I know. I obviously got to get the grilled cheese.” He’s got a cheeky stupid grin on his face and if Eddie wasn’t so in love with him he would have smacked if off. He should have known Richie would find a way to lighten the mood. 

“The grilled cheese is the best thing on the menu.” He plays along. 

“Then, the grilled cheese it is.” 

They both get their grilled cheese sandwich meal, pay, and then sit. It’s late in the afternoon so the cafeteria is pretty much empty and they’re able to seclude themselves in a corner. 

Eddie is not really sure how he feels. He’s got so many emotions right now. He’s practically shaking with excitement to even be this close to Richie, to be able to talk to him again. But he also feels this undercurrent of awkwardness, his feelings of guilt and abandonment creeping up on him to make him feel uncomfortable to be in the same presence of the man he still loves. 

“So, you’re a real doc now huh?” Richie starts. 

“Huh?”

“There’s no PGY-2 on your badge anymore. Just MD now.” He is pointing at the badge attached to the breast pocket on Eddie’s white coat. 

“Ah yeah.” Eddie clears his throat. “I graduated from the residency program a few months ago… so yes, a real physician now, I guess.” 

“That’s great Eds, I’m proud of you.” And he really looks it. Eddie wishes he was there at his graduation ceremony, it was an endpoint that he always imagined Richie to be standing right next to him; beaming with pride and smacking a wet kiss to his cheek, telling him how proud he was of him. The only people who came to his ceremony were Bill, Mike, Ben, and Bev. He hasn’t been on speaking terms with Richie, Stan or Patty since the break-up and it saddens him every day. 

Eddie shakes his head of the thought and takes a bite of his apple as an attempt to not cry. “What have you been up to?”

“You know same old same old.” Richie answers nonchalantly causing Eddie to huff. 

“You can’t be serious. Nothing new in over a year?” 

“I mean, I’ve been busy with work, nothing really exciting there. But…” he drags. “I’ve started doing it.” He drops his eyes to his plate and looks almost… nervous? 

“Doing it..?” Eddie questions.

“You know how I wanted to start doing some stand-up comedy shows?” He’s still looking down at his plate not making eye contact with Eddie. “I wrote down some bits in a script and I’ve been performing them at this comedy club once a month.” He finally looks up to see Eddie’s expression. 

And before Eddie can even think to check if it’s a bad idea, he moves around the table to embrace Richie in his arms. He feels Richie stiffen against him for a moment, but then he relaxes and also wraps his arms around Eddie’s waist. 

“I’m so proud of you.” Eddie says into his neck. 

Richie has wanted to do stand-up comedy forever. He works at the radio show because it’s the closest thing to performing that actually pays decent money, but his real passion has always been comedy. Eddie always tried to push him into signing up for comedy hours, but as much of a crowd pleaser Richie is, he dislikes standing in front of a live audience. The stage-fright has inhibited him from really going doing anything with comedy, so to see him break down that obstacle and actually perform his jokes in front of other has Eddie on cloud nine. 

He pulls away slightly to look at Richie’s face. He looks nervous and shocked but hopeful too, and it takes all of Eddie’s willpower to not kiss him right there and then. 

“Thanks,” Richie’s blushes, “but it’s really not that big of a deal.” 

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Not a big deal?! Richie you’re fulfilling a childhood dream of yours, that’s amazing.” He’s beaming at Richie and his heart starts racing when Richie beams right back. 

From there on out the conversations flows easily. Eddie has a hundred and one questions about what Richie’s sketch is about and Richie is happy to answer, using his Voices and facial expressions to crack Eddie up. He hasn’t laughed this hard in what feels like forever. 

He doesn’t even realize how long they’ve been talking until his pager beeps. “Incoming call from Allie Rudwick.” 

“Oh shit, I need to take this, sorry.” Richie just nods, understanding. Eddie presses the button to answer the call. 

“Hey Allie, what’s up.” 

“The radiologist called you to talk about the imaging results for Tozier, Room 7. The chest XR was negative for a fracture but she wanted to discuss the CT with you.” 

“Oh, right. I’ll come right down to talk to her. Give me a few minutes.” He starts cleaning up his tray and Richie does the same with his. “Anything else?” 

“Nope that’s it.” 

“Ok, thanks Allie, see you soon.” He looks over at Richie, slightly disappointed that they had to cut their conversation short right when things seemed to be going back to normal. “Sorry, about that.” 

“No, it’s ok, I rather you talk to the radiologist about my mom than hear me ramble on about my comedy special.” 

“Hey, both are important.” Eddie rebukes. 

“Yeah ok,” he rolls his eyes in disbelief, “let’s get back.” 

The walk back to the Emergency department is like the walk to the cafeteria: short and quiet, but the air is much lighter now and that makes Eddie’s heart soar. 

When they get back to the nursing station, Richie waves a hand in a small goodbye as Eddie promises to talk to him and his parents when he finishes talking with the radiologist. 

As he sits down on his computer, he opens the CT images scans. They are taking a while to load, so he picks up the phone to call the radiologist. The radiologist answers right when the images appear on his screen, but as he looks at the malalignment of Maggie’s spine, he lets out a small ‘shit’ under his breath. 

\---

“It’s a minor pinched nerve due to a dislocation of two of your spinal discs.” He starts explaining to the Toziers. “The impact of the car crash on your neck caused two of your discs to slide which is now pinching a nerve in your spinal cord.” 

All the smiles on Maggie’s face is now completely whipped away, and sometimes Eddie really hates his job. 

“So, what does that mean?” Wentworth asks. 

“It means that this pinched nerve is going to be aggravated and cause extreme pain and maybe some sensory deficits if this isn’t fixed.” 

“How can it be fixed?” Richie questions, and his face looks even more worried than ever before and Eddie just wants to run up and hug him. 

“The best strategy is surgery.” He hears Maggie whimper by his side. He turns to look directly at her. “It’s a simple surgery I promise. We have one of the best spinal doctors in the country at this hospital and I already talked with him and he says he can work to shift the discs back into place so the nerve isn’t pinched anymore. You’ll be in and out of the operating room in no time, I swear it.” 

“You’re positive on that?” Wentworth looks skeptically at Eddie. 

“It’s medicine, I can’t be 100% on anything, but if there was anyone I would want to do any spinal surgery on me, it would be Dr. Kipp. It’s a surgery he’s done before and is proficient at.” He stares determinedly at the family in front of him. He needs them to feel safe, reassured, and cared for. That’s the whole purpose of being a doctor. “He’ll come down to talk to you more about it, but the plan is that we’ll transfer you to the operating room tonight to have the surgery and then you’ll be admitted upstairs and observed for two days afterwards.” 

“Do I have to get the surgery?” Maggie’s voice is barely a whisper. 

“You could try to manage your pain with medication but we run the risk of the discs potentially moving again and pinching the nerve even more. Our best bet is a surgery. I know it isn’t ideal, but it has the best outcome in the long run.” He goes to hold her hand. “Dr. Kipp will answer all your questions more thoroughly when he comes down.” 

“Okay.” She squeezes his hand.

“Okay.” He squeezes right back.

\---

After his talk with the Toziers, Eddie remembers that he has other patients to take care for. He does his job and treats the patients, though his mind unintentionally strays from time to time to Richie and his mother. 

He sees Dr. Kipp does come down and talk to the Toziers. After he finishes with them, he talks with Eddie, telling him that Maggie has consented to having the surgery and they should be ready for her in a couple of hours. 

Eddie thanks him and lets out a breath as Dr. Kipp leaves. He goes to visit Maggie one more time, answering any questions and trying to give her some final reassurance. He can tell she is feeling more confident which makes him relieved. 

His shift is ending in an hour though. He wonders if it would be weird to ask the Toziers if he could stay with them while they wait for the surgery to be completed. He decides against it as he leaves their room. 

As his shift is coming to a close, he sees Maggie being rolled out of her room to be transported to the operating room. He gives her a large smile which she returns before she disappears around the corner. 

Then, Richie and Wentworth exit the room together. He sees Richie say something to his father and hears Wentworth grunt before following his wife down the hallway. Richie looks at his father’s disappearing form for a second before turning to look at Eddie and then starts walking towards him.

“Hey.” Richie states like the last time.

“Hey.” Eddie repeats. They have never been the most eloquent people. 

“I wanted to say thanks for all your help today. It means a lot.” 

“Of course. I’m glad everything was sorted out. Your mom’s a trooper, this surgery will be just fine.” 

“You believe that?”

“Yeah, I really do.”

Richie just hums in response. “It was nice talking with you today, we should do it again sometime soon.” 

“Yeah?” Eddie’s too excited to hide his hopefulness. 

“Yep, I’ll text you soon.” 

“I’d like that.” 

“I’ll see you around then.” Richie smiles as he turns to follow his parents.

“Yeah, see you around,” he whispers, dazed by all the events today. He needs to say something else though. 

“Richie!” he cries. Richie turns back around and he’s still wearing that smile on his face. Eddie loves him with every fiber of his being. “You’re a trooper too, one of the strongest people I know. You’ll get through this.” 

Richie’s smile gets even bigger. “Thanks Eds.” 

And Eddie has never loved a nickname more. 

\---

The surgery ended up going smoothly just as Eddie predicted. Maggie was recovering well. She’ll need to wear a neck brace for six weeks and take extensive therapy so she can return to the normal motion of her neck, but she’s strong enough to endure it. 

Eddie visits her the next day in her hospital room upstairs. She’s eating a jello cup and is all back to the smiles when he first saw her yesterday. She’s chatting with Richie who is looking content, the worry streaks on his face replaced with laughter lines. It’s a beautiful image to see. 

“Good morning Maggie, how are you doing?”

“Eddie!” She stops her conversation with Richie and beams at him. “I’ve never been better! Well no, that’s a lie, I have been better, but this is the best I’ve been since yesterday.” 

Her warmth is contiguous – her and Richie always know how to brighten up a room – he can’t help the smile that inches on his face. “I’m glad.” 

“Come here, come here.” When Eddie moves towards her bed, she takes his hand in hers. “I want to say thank you for not only being such a fantastic doctor yesterday but also for being your sweet self as usual. I don’t think I would have been so confident in doing this surgery without your encouragement.” 

“It was nothing Maggie, just doing my job.” He blushes, he never does well with receiving compliments. 

“Job shmob, you deserve the praise honey, you’re an amazing doctor. All those hours you put in weren’t for nothing!” 

_Except I lost your son because of it, the one thing that mattered most to me._

He doesn’t really know what to say to that, so he decides to change the subject. “I talked with Dr. Kipp right now and he says if you’re feeling up to it, you could be discharged tonight instead of tomorrow morning.” 

Maggie’s eyes widen in surprise. “Really? That would be great, I would love to go back home.” 

“Yeah,” Richie chimes in, “back home to my apartment where you’ll be bossing me around making me do everything for you.” He’s teasing because the grin on his face holds no malice. 

“Richie, how dare you, after all that I have done for you! I am poor old injured woman!” 

Richie rolls his eyes and shoots a wink at Eddie that makes him flush. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you’re going to be milking it for all it’s worth.” 

“Well I’ve done so much for you in the past, don’t you think it’s your turn to return the favor?” She raises her signature eyebrow at him.

“Hmmm, but aren’t I just the greatest gift you could ever ask for?” He bats his eyelashes at her. 

“No, that would be Eddie dear.” She deadpans. 

“My own mother, betrays me for another!” 

“I leave for ten minutes and return to this mess?” Everyone turns to see Wentworth standing at the door, looking at the three of them, exasperated but grinning. 

Eddie is still not sure how Wentworth feels about him and really doesn’t want to impose any longer. As much as he’s always seen the Toziers as a part of his family, he knows in reality that’s not true. 

“Well I’m glad to see that’s everything handled here, I’ll be going now.” 

Maggie pouts. “Goodbye sweetheart. I hope we can see each other soon!” 

“Me too.” He really, really hopes this isn’t the last time he ever sees her. He looks at Wentworth, slightly intimidated before saying, “Goodbye Mr. Tozier.” 

Wentworth just gives a solid nod, but he doesn’t look angry which Eddie is relieved to see.

“I’ll walk you down.” Richie whispers into his ear. He’s right beside him, looking down at him with that warm classic Richie Tozier smile and Eddie feels dizzy. 

“Yeah, ok, t-thanks.” He stammers like a fool. 

They both exit the room side-by-side to walk down the hall towards the elevator. 

“Did you go home last night?” Eddie asks, but he already knows the answer. Richie looks worse for wear; hair messier and greasier than usual, his eyelids dropping from exhaustion. But the genuine smile on his face makes him look bright. 

“Nah, was too concerned about Mag’s surgery to try and wait at home. Also, the car’s a wreck and I’m not really in the mood to drive.”

“Oh, right, of course. Is everything going to be okay with that?” 

“Yeah, the other guy claimed fault, but the car is completely totaled.”

“Well,” Eddie starts tentatively, “if you need a ride anywhere, my car is available.”

“Yeah?” He’s grinning at Eddie. “And will I be getting a cute spaghetti chauffer with that ride?” 

“It depends,” Eddie grins back, “you have to ask nicely.” 

“Oh, you know I’ll be on my knees begging for it.” His grin widens mischievously. 

Eddie blushes furiously at the innuendo. “Beep beep Trashmouth.” 

They’ve reached the elevator and Eddie presses the down button clumsily as Richie laughs at his own dumb remarks. He’s still chuckling to himself as the elevator doors open and they step inside. 

Eddie rolls his eyes at him but he’s secretly pleased. He loves seeing Richie as light and carefree as he wants even if it is because of a stupid joke. 

When he looks over at Richie though he sees that the other man’s face has become more serious as he plays with the hem of his sweater – a telltale sign that he’s nervous. 

“So, Dr. Kipp is a cool guy.” 

“Yes, he is. I told you he’s one of the best there is.” 

“He thinks very highly of you.” He adds. 

“And I think very highly of him.” 

“He’s very good looking too.” He looks up to make eye contact with Eddie. 

“Yeah… I guess?” Eddie’s confused now. 

“So, are you two a thing or something?” 

“What?” Eddie practically shrieks. “No of course not!” 

Richie suddenly appears flustered. “I was just wondering, you know, whether you were dating anyone.” 

“And you couldn’t just ask that instead of thinking I was dating my colleague who is almost ten years older than me? 

“Well,” he scratches the back of his neck, “I’ve never been the subtlest being. Plus, don’t lie, you’ve got a thing for older men.” 

“Rich, you’re eight months older than me, I hardly count that as me having a fetish for older men.” 

Richie just hums quietly. The elevator doors open arriving on the ground floor, Eddie leads the way towards the emergency department. 

“So… are you dating anyone? Older or not?” 

“No, I’m not.” Eddie states truthfully. “Are – are you dating anyone?” He’s scared of the potential answer. 

“No, not right now. I went on a few dates here and there, but nothing lasted.” 

It’s a real punch in his gut to hear that Richie dated other people. Parts of him should have expected it; Richie has always been charismatic, drawing people in. But it still makes him feel hollow. Richie really put himself out there to date. He was willing to see himself without Eddie. 

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” Even though he really isn’t, but it’s not like he can really say anything else. He’s too shocked to come up with a genuine response. 

“They weren’t a big deal. All of them couldn’t compare to you.” And he’s staring so intently at Eddie it sends tingles down his spine. “So, you’re seriously not dating Dr. McDreamy over there?” 

Eddie laughs humorlessly. “No, I’m not. And I don’t think his wife, the Head of Surgery, would approve of me flirting with her husband.” 

“And you’re not dating anyone?” He pushes. 

“No.” He shakes his head. “I mean, if I couldn’t stop the guy I’ve known for twenty years from leaving me, I don’t think I could keep any guy at all.”

Richie’s frowns at him. “It’s not like I wanted to leave Eddie. There really wasn’t another option.” 

Eddie stops in his tracks. They’re in front of the emergency department doors where only the physicians have access so the hallway is empty expect for them. 

“I - I know that Richie.” God all those feelings of guilt and regret are creeping up on him. “I - I’ve never dated anyone but you, Rich. I know it might make me lame or prudish that I’ve only had experience with one guy in my life, but I’ve never been ashamed of that. I’ve never thought of dating anyone else besides you.” 

“Eddie.” Richie inhales sharply. 

“I need to say this please.” He’s staring directly into Richie’s deep blue eyes. “I know when we broke up you asked if I saw a future with you. And I know I didn’t give you an answer then and it haunts me to this day.” He shakes his head at the memory. “But what I wanted, _what I needed_ to say was I’ve never seen a future without you. I never imagined a life without you. You’ve always been the only one. I’m sorry I never made that clear before.”

Richie looks at him with a pained expression. “I –“ 

“It doesn’t matter anyway.” He tries to force a smile onto his face. “My mom always said it would be better being single. Maybe that was the one thing she was ever right about. Plus, even though I’m not a resident anymore, my work schedule is still crazy. No guy wants to deal with that, right? I’m not worth the hassle.”

He tries to laugh but it comes out as a broken sob. _Fuck._ He needs to get out of here fast or he’s going to have a breakdown. 

“Eddie – “

“Listen, I got to go. My shift is starting soon.” He starts walking away. Right when he thought they were bridging their gap, it suddenly feels like everything is crumbling around him. 

But then suddenly Eddie’s face is pressed against Richie’s chest as Richie crushes him in a tight hug. Eddie isn’t sure what’s going on, but he leans himself into Richie’s body, smelling his familiar scent and trying to stop the tears from flowing down his face. 

“God, baby I’m so sorry.” He hears Richie whisper in his ear. 

Eddie tilts his head up slightly to stare at Richie who is wearing a sad expression on his face. “Sorry? What are you sorry for? I’m the one who spilled his guts out for no reason and made things awkward again.” 

“No, you didn’t. I’m glad you said something.” He moves one of his hands up to cup Eddie’s face. Eddie instinctively leans against the touch. “I’ve been – fuck.” He runs a hand down his face. “I’ve been really selfish Eds.” He looks directly at Eddie, his eyes almost pleading. “I put a lot of resentment on you and your job for being the factors that broke us up. I was so focused on how you were distant, on how you rejected me. I thought that breaking up with be the best for both of us and I never thought how it could have fucked you up.” 

“Richie, you’re not wrong. I was the selfish one. My job, the way I prioritized it over us, it was wrong.”

“I’m not saying it wasn’t, but I could have dealt with it better. I could have fought for us.” He states forlornly. 

“I could have too. I could have asked for you to stay. I regret not trying harder to fix us.” 

“Me too.” 

“I’ve missed you Rich. I’ve missed you so fucking much.” He can feel the tears streaming down his face.

Richie wipes them away with his finger. “I’ve missed you too, more than you could know.” 

Eddie hugs Richie again, clutching at the back of his shirt desperately. “I don’t want to lose you again.” 

“You won’t I promise, I’m not leaving you again.” His voice is firm. He leans back to stare down at Eddie and Eddie lifts his head up to gaze back. They’re so close to each other, just a breath away, if Eddie went on his tip toes their lips… 

“Eddie?” 

Eddie jumps away from Richie to see Allie standing by the doors. 

“Allie, hi.” He says flustered. “How are you?” 

She raises an eyebrow at him, her eyes darting between him and Richie. “I’m good. You doing alright?” 

He knows she’s talking about the fact that he’s flushed and crying and was caught just seconds before almost kissing their previous patient’s son. 

God, he’s a mess, but he almost _kissed Richie,_ the thought makes him blush even more fiercely. 

“Yes, I’m fine! I was just saying goodbye to Richie before my shift.” 

She’s not convinced by his obvious lie, but she doesn’t push any further. “Alright if you say so. I’ll see you inside then?”

“Yes! Of course!” He squeaks. 

“Cool,” she walks past the door. “I hope your mom is doing well after the surgery.” 

Richie initially looks startled to be addressed but then smiles at her. “Yes, she’s doing a lot better, thanks for checking in.” 

“That’s good to hear.” She smiles back. “Don’t go too crazy out here, there are cameras everywhere FYI.” 

“Allie!” Eddie cries embarrassed. Richie lets out a loud laugh beside him. 

“I’m just speaking the truth Dr. K! See you inside!” And then she turns the corner and is out of sight. 

“Oh my god, that was so mortifying.” Eddie drops his head in his hands in shame. 

“Oh come on Eds, it wasn’t that bad. Though I can’t believe I got cockblocked by your nurse.” 

“Shut up!” He goes to smack him in the chest, but Richie grabs his hand quickly and then intertwines their fingers. Eddie’s heart beats furiously against his chest. 

“Can we talk later? Like actually talk? No crying or apologizing. Just us having a conversation like we used to?” Richie looks so tender and hopeful; how could he ever say no to that? It sounds too good to be true. 

“Yes,” says Eddie breathlessly, “I would love that.” 

“Alright cool,” he’s beaming now, “I’ll call you tonight after your shift.” 

Eddie beams back. “Yes, that’s perfect.” 

“I’ll see you around Eds.” He squeezes Eddie’s hand before letting it go. 

Eddie just nods back, too stunned to form actual coherent words. He starts walking to the doors to start his shift when he hears Richie call back to him. 

“Hey Dr. K!” He turns to see Richie standing a few feet away with goofy grin on his face. “You’re worth the hassle. You’ve always been worth it.”

Eddie just stares at him shocked. 

“Anyone would be lucky to have you. I know I took it for granted, but you gave me the best years of my life.”

Eddie swallows thickly. “You gave me the best years of my life too.” 

_I love you. I still want you. Would you be lucky to have me? Can you come back to me and make the rest of my life better?_

Richie smiles softly at him. “I’ll call you tonight Spaghetti,” and then he turns away to get on the elevators. 

Eddie can’t wait until his shift is over. 

***

 _we lost connection, oh come back to me so I can feel alive again,_  
soul and body try to mend.  
\--never ending, rihanna

Richie does end up calling him that night. 

They talk for hours. Their usual banter coming back so easily it was like the past year barely happened. They don’t talk about their relationship, the break-up, or the idea of getting back together. It’s simply them just talking about life and dumb mindless things they always loved conversing about. And while Eddie wants to talk about those important things, he’s completely content with having any conversation with Richie no matter how big or small. 

They talk every day for two weeks and it really seems like they are mending their relationship. They’re friends again. Eddie never thought that would happen so it feels like he’s on cloud nine with how well everything is turning out. 

Everything was going so smoothly between them until today when Richie invited Eddie to join him for Patty’s baby shower that weekend. 

“I don’t know, Richie… I really doubt they want me there.”

“What are you talking about?” He asks bewildered. “Of course they do.” 

“You think? Because the last time I checked, Stan wanted to punch me in the face for being a horrible boyfriend to you.” 

“He’s just protective of me, like Bill is of you.” 

“Yeah, but you’re still friends with Bill. Stan hasn’t talked to me for over a year.” 

“I promise you he wants you there. Everyone is coming, it will feel weird if you didn’t come.” 

“Are you sure?” his voice is small. 

“Yes! Eds, just come, the losers need a reunion now that we’re all on good terms again.” 

The idea of seeing all his friends again in one place is so tempting, he wants it so badly. 

“Ok, I’ll go.” He relents. 

“YES! I’ll meet you at your subway stop, alright? We can walk in together.”

“I like the sound of that.” 

The week leading up to the baby shower is filled with mixed emotions. He’s calling Richie every day, talking about how Maggie is or new things happening in their lives. But he’s getting anxious with each day. He doesn’t know how the others will react about Richie and him being friends again. Will they be happy? Relieved? Annoyed? He knows Bill, Mike, Bev, and Ben will be relieved, for the past year they’ve tried to convince Eddie to at least try to talk with Richie. But Eddie refused their attempts because he was sure Richie was still mad at him over everything. 

He really doesn’t know how Stan and Patty will be. Since Richie says they both want him at this party, they must be okay with him now, right? But still… he can’t help thinking they will consider he isn’t serious about Richie this time. He’s let them down before; he wouldn’t be shocked if they don’t trust him again. 

He walks to the subway station excited and uneasy. He just hopes everything ends up alright. This past year has been a whole mess and it’s finally starting to clear up. Richie is back in his life, not exactly the way he wanted, but having him as a friend is better than nothing at all. 

“Hey cutie,” Richie says easily, his grin wide on his mouth. “You ready for this?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” 

Richie laughs as he hooks his arm around Eddie’s shoulders, ruffling his hair. “That’s my optimistic spaghetti head.” 

“Fuck off.” But he’s smiling, the tension he was feeling leaving his body almost completely.

The ride to Stan and Patty’s new apartment is short. Richie keeps easy conversation, talking about bumping up his comedy show to other comedy venues. The happiness in his eyes is infectious that Eddie is also feeling warm. 

When they are one stop away from the apartment, Eddie’s nerves start getting the best of him. Richie seems to recognize Eddie’s growing anticipation because he intertwines their hands, sending a jolt through Eddie’s body. 

“Hey, it’s going to be ok.”

“I don’t know why I’m so nervous. It’s just that everything is so fucked up. And I missed so much of their lives and they probably hate me – ” 

“Hey, hey, hey.” Richie coos. “No one hates you. They never have and never will. Shit just happened, but that’s in the past. Things are better now, we’re all trying to move on.” 

“Yeah.” He tries to agree. 

“I promise everyone wants you there. Stan and Patty are excited to see you.” 

“I’m excited to see them too.”

“So, let’s go see them.”

Their hands stay intertwined the whole way to the apartment and suddenly Eddie isn’t as nervous anymore. 

When they arrive at the apartment, Eddie is bombarded with a large hug from Patty, which is slightly awkward because of her obvious pregnant belly.

“Oh, sorry about the bump, I’m just so happy to see you!” She’s all smiles and every bit of trepidation exits Eddie’s body. “You look good, too skinny for my book, are you eating enough right?” 

Eddie laughs, Patty is already starting out to be a great mother. “Yes, I’ve just been busy with work.” 

She hums, “Aren’t you always?” And Eddie feels weird again but then she’s beaming. “But you’re here now! And with Richie! I can’t believe it!” She gives Richie a big hug as well and then calls over her shoulder. “Stanley! Richie and Eddie are here. _Together_ , can you believe?” 

A few moments later, Eddie sees Stan descend down the stairs a smirk tugging on his lips. “Well isn’t this a sight for sore eyes.”

Eddie sees Richie roll his eyes. “Could you be less cliché Stan?”

“What?” Stan’s smirk only widens. “It’s good to see the two of you together, sue me.” He goes to wrap his arms around Patty, his hands settling on her bump. 

Eddie is suddenly so envious of how happy they look. Stan and Patty knew from the moment they met in college that they were in love and going to get married. They’ve never doubted each other for a moment. They look so beautiful standing there, content, with their growing family. Eddie wants that so desperately. 

He shakes his head though; this isn’t about him and his failed relationships though. It’s about this new beautiful baby that is about to join their world.

“How have you been feeling Patty? How many weeks are you? You’ve heard the fetal heartbeat right? Isn’t it amazing? Do you have a good OB? If you don’t, I can recommend one for you, she’s the best in NY I swear she – “

“Calm down Spaghetti.” He puts a hand on his back, and Eddie blushes fiercely; he always rambles when he’s nervous and Richie’s touch isn’t helping. 

“Stop Richie, his concern his sweet.” She’s looking at him warmly. “But actually, we already got a midwife, we’ve decided to do things in a more traditional manner.” 

“Oh that’s great too!” And he genuinely means it. “But if you have any questions, I’m always here.” 

“You gonna deliver the baby for them?” Richie inquires with a smirk. 

“I mean I technically could, I just rather not.” 

“Why you don’t want to be staring at Patty’s bits down there?” 

“Beep beep asshole!” Eddie yelps as both Patty and Stan hit Richie on the head. 

“Ok, that’s enough from you,” Stan says exasperatedly, “come help me get the drinks from my car before everyone else arrives.” 

“This is cruel, I make one bad joke and suddenly I’m doing manual labor?”

“It’s what you deserve you asswipe.” Eddie scolds. 

Stan ends up dragging Richie out the door again, Richie whines the whole way, and Eddie can’t help but smile. It feels so good to have things feel like before. 

“Eddie come help me set the plates.” Eddie follows here to the kitchen to do just that. 

“So…” Patty starts, “you’re here for good this time?” 

He nods shyly. “Yeah, I want to be.” 

Patty nods, understanding. “This past year…” She sighs, suddenly looking sad. “Richie hasn’t been his best.” She looks at him deeply. “He’s done a lot of things to get his mind off you, but I can tell it really hurt him to be apart from you.” 

Eddie looks down at the floor ashamed. “I’m sorry.” He doesn’t think he will ever stop apologizing. 

“Eddie, I just want to make sure that you plan on staying. I don’t think Richie could handle another break from you. This is the happiest I’ve seen him in a long time, and I want to keep that.” 

“Patty, I promise I want to stay. This year hasn’t been good for me either. I regret everything bad that’s happened between Richie and me, and with you and Stan. I want things to be better moving forward.” 

Patty gives him a kind smile. “I’ll keep you to that, Eddie. I’ve missed you. Stan has too, he’s too proud to admit it, but he’s really happy that you’re back.”

“I’ve missed you guys too. We have a lot to catch up on huh? I missed watching trashy reality TV shows with you and hearing you make fun of Bill’s dumb horror books.”

“Oh my goodness, me too! I have so much to tell you!” 

They fall into an easy manner after that. Patty gives him the ensuing drama from their favorite trashy shows and makes snide remarks about Bill’s novels. Stan and Richie come back carrying several drinks in their hands. It feels good. 

About thirty minutes later, the other invitees start to arrive. The rest of the losers come too and everyone is all laughs and smiles. Eddie feels so fucking good to be back with his friends. To be surrounded by the people he loves the most in the world. He’s on the verge of tears multiple times during the party. 

He has to step away from everything after an hour of conversing with his friends again though. It’s a lot to take in and his emotions are all over the place.

He goes upstairs to and finds a balcony leading outside. He opens the glass door and breathes in the fresh air. He’s there for a few minutes when he hears the glass door slide open. 

“I was wondering where you went off too.” Richie walks up to him, leaning against the balcony edge.

“Sorry I just needed some fresh air.” 

“You having a good time though?” He looks concerned. 

“Yes, I just a moment to myself.” 

“Oh,” he ducks his head, “I can leave.”

“No!” Eddie quickly backtracks. “I didn’t mean it like that! I want you to stay.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

“Is there anything else you want?” His lips turning upward. 

“I want to say sorry.”

“Eds, we’ve been through this already, you don’t have to apologize. We were both at fault here.”

“I know, but,” he sighs, “sometimes I think how differently things would have been if I wasn’t pushing myself all the time to work more or study more.” 

“You would not have been the doctor you are today Eds.” He’s looking at him intensely. “I didn’t want to compromise your job for a relationship, that’s why we broke up.” 

“But I could have said yes when you asked me to marry you.” He counters miserably. 

“You could have, but you did the right thing by saying no.” 

Eddie feels a jolt through his system. “What do you mean?” 

“I asked you to marry me because I was so scared I was losing you. I thought if you said yes everything would go back to normal, that it would solve all our problems. But instead it just blew up in my face.” 

“I’m sorry Rich.”

“Don’t be Eddie. I shouldn’t have asked in the first place. When I pictured asking you to marry me, it wasn’t because I felt pressured to do it, it was because I wanted to. I’m sorry for forcing you into something you didn’t want.” He sighs heavily.

“That’s the thing though. It’s not like I didn’t want it, Richie. I’ve always wanted to marry you. I’ve always thought the next step for us was to get married. I just wasn’t ready at that time. It just felt like a burden instead of feeling like the happiest moment of my life.” 

“We’ve both messed up didn’t we?” He shakes his head in annoyance. 

“We’ve always been idiots. I mean It took us ten years just to get together.” Eddie counters. 

“Ha, yeah.” He looks intensely at him. “I’m really glad to have you back in my life Eddie.” 

“I am too. God, you don’t even know how great these past few weeks have been.” 

“Would you…” he’s suddenly shy, “ever consider going back to how we used to be? As a couple?” 

Eddie’s heart is beating so loudly it’s like he’s on a livewire. “Yes, I’ve considered it every day since we broke up.” 

Richie stares at him shocked but then a smile tugs on his lips. “Yeah? You wanted me that bad?” 

He wants to roll his eyes but he’s too happy to be annoyed. “Yes, you asshole, I’ve never wanted anyone else.” 

“So, you’d be my boyfriend again?” 

“Yes,” and he surges in to kiss him before he says anything else stupid. 

Their kiss is desperate and fervent. Eddie has kissed Richie a million times in his life that their mouths feel so familiar against each other, but Eddie has also been deprived of Richie’s lips for so long he’s insatiable. He’s glad to see that Richie is too. 

When they pull apart they are both breathless and dazed. Richie gives him a dopey smile as he presses their foreheads together. 

“I love you Eds.”

“I love you too. We’re going to be better this time.” 

“Only the best from here on out.” 

And Eddie smiles because his heart is finally healed. 

_don’t you stop loving me,_  
don’t quit loving me,  
just start loving me.  
\--love on the brain, rihanna

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! let me know what you think by leaving a comment, i'll love you forever! <3333
> 
> you can also come talk to me on tumblr @jwilliambyers


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